15 posts tagged “my kid is funny”

View other items tagged “my kid is funny:” Photos, Audio, Videos, Books or Links. View “my kid is funny” on Vox.

Halfway

I am 19 weeks pregnant now. That means I am halfway there. Those of you wondering if I failed math in school, rest assured, I am right. See, 19 times 2 is 38. And that's as far as this baby is going to go. I don't want another preemie, I don't want another induction, but I think 38 weeks is a nice respectable amount of time. I don't consider it early. So 38, here we go. 


That plague that descended on us last week is lifting. The Princess's fever has broken. They both just have coughs and snotty noses. My sinus infection is getting a little better now that I have antibiotics. 

The Princess has been doing okay in her toddler bed. Nap time is the hardest and sometimes she winds up sleeping on the floor. But she's doing good at night and she always goes into her bed herself and falls asleep there first. The first night I put her in her bed and stayed with her a little but then I started making her get up in it herself and that works out better. It always works out better when she thinks something is her idea. It's amazing how different the toddler bed looks in her room. Instead of Thomas sheets there are flower sheets. It looks so girlie. 

SkyWalker has been sleeping in the monkey bed--the twin-sized bed in his room. He's been doing well, as I expected he would. There's not much transition from a toddler bed to a twin bed. The newfound freedom of the toddler bed from the crib is the hardest to handle. Anyway, he's doing well and and has started getting up on his own to pee at night. Unfortunately his pull up is still soaked each morning. Vader has stopped going up there and helping him pee. I don't know why. And I'm too tired to do it myself consistently. I think I'll wait until the summer to really start pushing it. Our pediatric urologist surgeon said he wouldn't look at him before the age of 5, which kind of makes me think that he should be dry all night by the time he's 5. At least most nights of the week anyway. 

I spent the whole day yesterday sleeping on the couch. Sounds lovely... but it wasn't. I was all foggy and confused at dinner time and I got nothing done. I hate starting the week and feeling behind. I still have two loads of laundry to fold but they are upstairs and the Princess is napping. I managed to get some things done today. 

While it's been so cold and snowy my mom's group has been meeting at Panera in the morning. SkyWalker is at preschool so it's just me and the Princess. It's been working out really well . Nobody kicks us out after we finish our coffee/tea/hot chocolate. Nobody stares at the kids (well, not this time. The last time there was a freaky woman who was staring and touching and about 3 seconds from me putting the smack-down on her). It's nice and roomy. I would still prefer to be chatting at the beach, but it's nice to have somewhere to go right now. What would really be nice is someplace with a big playroom for kids to run around. Someplace on this side of the river that is...

Random updates: Vader's job is as safe and secure as it's ever going to be. Whew. One less thing to worry about. Isaac's leg is still limping but is getting slightly better. I think we're going to wait and see a little longer and keep him on the leash. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. He doesn't like the cold so there are some days that I don't even have to wake him out. He just waits until Vader gets home at dinner time. The Princess's surgery is scheduled for March 2. Our level 2 ultrasound to see if #3 has any plumbing issues is Feb. 12. 

I leave you with this little gem:

SkyWalker: staring into space at dinner.
Mommy: C'mon buddy, get eating.
SkyWalker: I'm thinking.
Mommy: Well, think about eating.
SkyWalker: I can't think and eat at the same time! I'll choke!
Mommy: BWAHAHAHAHAHA

1 comment Tags: pregnancy, potty training, meetups, toddler bed, my kid is funny

Conversations with a 20 month old

"Did you have a nice nap?" (This was yesterday when she napped. She did not nap today).
"yes"
"Did you dream?"
"yes"
"What did you dream about?"
"poopie"
"You dreamt about poopie??"
"poopie"

I don't think she did dream about poopie, but was instead telling me that she had a poopie in her diaper. A rather smelly one at that.

Post a comment Tags: poop, the princess, my kid is funny

Dinner time conversation with the Jedi

SkyWalker: How come I don't have a womb?

Mommy: Because you're not a woman.
SkyWalker: Does [the princess] have a womb?
Mommy: Yup.
SkyWalker: What do girls have on their penises?
Mommy: Giggle. Giggle. Girls don't giggle have giggle penises. Girls have giggle giggle....
SkyWalker: Vaginas. 
************************

The Princess produces a "rippler" of a fart and announces: far
Mommy: Yes, I know. I heard it. Are you sure you didn't poop?
The Princess: No, no poop
The Princess: grunting
Mommy: Are you trying to poop now?
The Princess: no, far
Mommy: You're trying to fart?
The Princess: far

Good times my friends. Good times. 

3 comments Tags: good times, skywalker, the princess, my kid is funny

Tantrums

SkyWalker said perhaps the funniest thing I have ever heard him say while having a tantrum: 


"But I HAVE to check my e-mail!!!" 

while crying and screaming because Daddy said it was bedtime and he had to go upstairs and be done with the laptop,  where he was in fact checking his e-mail.

Post a comment Tags: email, skywalker, tantrums, my kid is funny

The jedi

SkyWalker insisted that the Princess sit next to him during lunch today (instead of across from him) because "I love her". He claimed that he would take care of her, i.e., make sure she didn't drop anything. Then he said "If it's clean, I can touch it. If it's not clean YOU can touch it." I'm assuming he meant her cup or whatever else she might throw. Then he asked me to cut his peanut butter and jelly sandwich into triangles because he wasn't doing very well. He told me to "do the best you can." Thanks dude.


Sometimes he is so damn funny. The past few days they seem to alternate between being really funny and cute and being really annoying. Often it's at the same time as well. They're just so cute TOGETHER, even when they're being mischievious and getting into trouble. The other night I was telling the both of them they had to clean up before bedtime. The Princess had made a lot of the mess and I was telling her what she had to do, when SkyWalker claimed it was NOT clean up time but it was still playtime. I said "No, it's clean up time and if you don't clean up I'm going to put you in time out." The Princess, who was NOT being spoken to, walked away from me and headed into the living room and put HERSELF in time out. Apparently she didn't want to clean up either. It was hilarious. SkyWalker joined her and then time out was tickle and giggle time. I've put her in time out before (for pulling plugs and whatnot) but this was the first time she got there herself and sat right down and stayed there. They did wind up cleaning up.

Can someone tell me why my son eats his coat and his shirts? He didn't put crap in his mouth until his sister came along... toys are one thing, but he's ruining his shirts and his coat is just disgusting. I just washed it but I can't keep doing that. I'm tempted to let him chew gum, but I really don't want to go there and even if he didn't swallow it I'm sure his sister would get her hands on some and swallow it. Of course as I type this I keep putting my own damn fingers in my mouth. Apples and trees, I guess. But I could deal with his fingers. His clothing is just freakin' weird. 

Another funny thing he's been saying: "I'm gonna kick Daddy in the head." Just out of the blue. Of course I tell him it's not very nice, but it's pretty funny. I know how you feel Dude. 

The Princess has been saying: "glasses", "BABY"--whenever she sees a doll anywhere, "more", "please", and her body parts. Oh and "buddy" for her teething blanket thing with the bear head that I call her sleeping buddy or bedtime buddy. She's become quite attached to that and pulls it through the slats on the crib so she can walk around with it. The other night Vader was showing her the map and telling her countries and she repeated "Australia." I kid you not. I'm not sure if she could tell you where it is, like SkyWalker could, but she can say it.  

1 comment Tags: skywalker, the princess, my kid is funny, shirt-eating

Funnies

There are so many funny things to share I can't possibly remember them all. Today while playing Disney Memory, SkyWalker turned over Alice in Wonderland and said "Alice in Wonderland. Like Alice in Chains." I love this boy.

He and his sister were wrestling in his room (yes, they were wrestling. Crawling all over each other, giggling like crazy). He dragged her around the room by her leg and she loved it. I checked on them again and she was naked and he was chasing her trying to kiss her heiney. He was successful.

Quite possibly the funniest thing today was this morning as he was getting dressed. When we were at his check up on Monday his pediatrician had a hard time finding his testicles. It was cold. He was nervous. They were riding a little high. This morning he was naked and I looked and all I see is empty sac. So I say "Where are your balls?" He looks down and says "Where ARE my balls?" and starts feeling around. He's pulling and pulling on himself and gets one down. He says "Here's one." I say "Okay." He says "Maybe I just have one ball?" I said "No [giggle] you have two". He says "Where ARE my balls?" again and attacks himself looking. It was the funniest thing ever. But now I'm going to have to have Daddy check him out and make sure he's got 2 where they're supposed to be!

1 comment Tags: skywalker, my kid is funny, boy parts

I need a synonym for progress

Joy! 


The Princess and I dropped SkyWalker off at preschool this morning and he was the first one in the room and barely looked back. He wanted to show the teacher the alligator he made at the library storytime yesterday. I don't know if that was it or if something just clicked with him, but whatever it was, he was happy and fine. He asked me to sing our goodbye song* but that was it. I got out in 5 minutes instead of 10. It was amazing. He claims he pooped there on Monday and since he was chock full of laxatives and suppositories I think I believe him. Maybe he just needed to poop there to find his comfort zone. 

The Princess and I went to Wal-Mart where I found a black long-sleeve onesie ("creeper") for her for Halloween instead of having to buy it online. There was a time when you couldn't find black clothes for kids. I'm glad I don't live in that time. And I found washable dry erase markers that will hopefully save her sheets and clothes from any more permanent damage. At Target I got an umbrella stroller with a canopy. Score!

She was happy in storytime, although still not as enthusiastic as I thought she would be. She smiles a lot and enjoys it but I really thought she would be up dancing the whole time. She's pretty tired by the time we get there though. I don't know what I can do though. If I took her home for a nap she'd get less than an hour--assuming that she fell asleep the minute we got home. Which she wouldn't because she's not tired at 9:30. If gas wasn't so damn expensive I would drive around and let her fall asleep in the car before storytime. BUT, I am happy to say that she is sleeping now and I had no problems getting her down for a nap today. Is it possible that we've found our rhythm? 

We picked up SkyWalker and I had to pee like a racehorse so we used the potty. I made him pee like I always do before we get in the car and he surprised me by pooping there. JOY. (for reals) He's watching Hard Hat Harry right now instead of napping but I don't think the napping thing is working so I don't care. 

It's so nice when things just work out.

In the funny files, this was our one-sided lunch conversation:
"When my room is dark and downstairs is dark I'm scared but in the morning when I'm in my room and downstairs I be fine but when it's dark in my room I'm scared but I'm okay. Was I a little boy when we went to North Carolina? A long time ago when I was a little little boy I pooped in my diaper at night and peed in it and it didn't get in the bed and that's why I love you."

There was even more but sadly I can't remember it all. I wish I had surveillance cameras on him because he is hilarious. And then I would have seen him cutting his sister's hair the other morning. He only did the back and top and it's not even noticeable. But I'd love to know if she just sat there for him. He was in her crib in the morning and used baby nail scissors so it's not as bad as it could have been. He said that her hair looked funny and he thought she should have hair like him. He's right, it does look funny, but I don't think she needs his cut. 

*(To the tune of Frere Jacques)
Mommy loves you.
Mommy loves you.
Yes I do.
Yes I do.
There's no need to cry now.
There's no need to cry now.
I'll be back.
I'll be back.

1 comment Tags: preschool, poop, napping, skywalker, the princess, my kid is funny

Pee

Yes, I know. I usually talk about poop. But sometimes pee is blog worthy too.

Twice this week I have put the Princess on the potty and she has peed. SkyWalker and I clap and dance and sing and she claps and it is funny.

Twice in the last week SkyWalker has NOT peed his bed. Yay for progress, however slow it is.

I stepped out of the shower and SkyWalker ran behind me, slapped my butt, sang a "hairy heiney" song and then asked where my balls were. I said I don't have them. He said rather dismissively, "Well, what DO you have?" and I told him what I have and what the mens have. He then chased me as I tried to get my underwear on and sang "Where are you heiney?"

This, however, is the kicker. It happened at least a week ago but it was too traumatic for me to blog or even tell anyone about it.

Brace yourselves.

I was sitting on the potty, peeing, when SkyWalker came in and announced he wanted to pee on my pee. Sure, fine, whatever. Before I had a chance to get up, he aimed his little wee-wee for the gap between my rear and the toilet and peed. He did have very good aim.

He peed on me.

An almost 4-year old peeing on you is much different than a newborn.

I don't think I'll ever be the same.

1 comment Tags: potty training, peeing, my kid is funny

It's going to be a long day

I have a playdate in one hour. The Princess has done nothing but cry all morning. She's pooping like crazy. She's snotty, but I'm really not sure if that's from all the crying or not. We were at a playdate on Tuesday and there was a little boy there with endless snot, so it's very possible she picked something up. SkyWalker was just laying on the couch saying his tummy hurt. Of course now he says he's fine because he's asking for a snacky-snack. 


They are both momentarily pacified. Nope, spoke too soon. I just got the "mommommom" from the Princess. I hope she takes a nice long nap after our playdate. We have a fundraiser to go to tonight and it will be a late night for them. 

Funny and disturbing things my kid has been saying:

When I couldn't find my cell phone car charger-- "Oh my gawd!"
When I surmised that Daddy might have it in his car--"Oh my friggin' gawd!"
When I asked him to get out of the sandbox because I had to get ready for work--"Mommy, please don't make me angry."
When I told him he could go in like a big boy or go in and go in time out--"Mommy, I weally don't like you talking to me about this."

I think I might be ready for a nap right now.

Post a comment Tags: skywalker, playdates, the princess, my kid is funny

Bedtime can't come fast enough

I have a million things on my to-do list today. I have already swept up Isaac's dead skin, so now I still need to do laundry. And then more laundry. And clean the pee off of the guest bathroom floor. And straighten up the kitchen. And pack. And drain the pool. 


The Princess is not cooperating. 

The past few days she has skipped her morning nap and taken a nice long 2 1/2 hour nap in the afternoon. Glorious. Not today, the day I need to get a million and one things done. She slept a tiny bit in the car this morning and I wonder if that has thrown her off. She only napped for about 45 minutes after lunch. I can't drain the pool with her at my side. And I don't want to let her crawl around outside since it just stopped raining. Which also means that there's more water in the pool for me to drain. Gah! 

Vader came home last night and looked at the pool. He's going to get some sand and help me set it up. In the meantime I need to drain it so it doesn't become a malaria breeding ground and get it back in the garage so it doesn't blow away. I'm not sure how I'm going to get that done today. 

In the loose thread section, I have stopped nursing the Princess. I made it to July and am very happy about that. July 1 was our last day. It was a little sad but I'm enjoying her 8 am wake ups. :-) (As long as big brother doesn't wake her up earlier by slamming the stair gate on his way to snuggle in bed with me).

SkyWalker is demanding that he be allowed to do his e-mail now. Let me leave you with this gem from my son after releasing gas from some part of his body: "People burp, fart, cough and say happy birthday to your HAIR! HAHAHA"

Post a comment Tags: nursing, naps, pool, the princess, my kid is funny