20 posts tagged “making friends”
I don't know why it's so hard to update here. Oh... yeah...
But that's okay, because the 3 people that read this probably know it all already.
I've been big into the lists now:
1. I quit my job back in August. An amicable split that benefits both parties. Although weird at first, this not working at all thing is lovely. Particularly because I have no idea how I would have done it and taken care of 3 kids. So it's all good. Someday I'll go back... maybe. ;-)
2. We might just hibernate for the winter. I'm cutting back on the playdate activity. I'm seriously paranoid about swine flu--I know that people can die from regular flu too--but I have a 4 1/2 month old baby and a toddler who has had THREE surgeries. I did not get her the swine flu vaccine. I did get her the regular flu vaccine so I'm not worrying about that. SkyWalker got the swine flu one because he's in school. Did I put that here already? I don't remember. Anyway, forgive my paranoia--I have delicate little ones.
3. Chewie is 4 1/2 months old. I'm trying to hold out until 6 months for cereal. I know lots of moms do it right at 4 months, but I would rather wait. She doesn't seem to really need it. On a good day I feed her every 4 hours and then the dream feed at night. On a bad day it's more often but I think that's more my own reaction to bad naps... She needs the right combination of feeds and activity time or she's victim to the 45 minute nap syndrome. Usually if her first nap is 45 mins we're screwed for the rest of the day, but today I fed her and fed her and fed her and managed to get her to nap for over 2 hours for her second nap, so she wasn't quite as overtired as she would normally be. EASY* is not as easy when you have older siblings. Anyway, I don't want to do cereal until I really have to, so I'm holding out.
4. I have a new quest--couple friends. Yes, I have become Lily on HIMYM. I've done a good job making mom friends and friends for my kids but we have no couple friends. Part of that is that my husband has no friends--or rather, the one friend he does have is just so busy that we never do anything. I'm not sure how one goes about making couple friends. I'm quite sure I will get no help from my husband.
5. I'm an Aunt! My brother and his wife finally quit playing around and had their baby almost a week late. Ridiculous. ;-) All is well and I'm quite sure she will be bigger than Chewie is when we go down there for Thanksgiving. I feel very far away.
6. Chewie rolled over! From her tummy to her back. Let the games begin!
*EASY -- Eat. Activity. Sleep. You. I'm a Baby Whisperer. I don't feed to sleep. I structure my baby's day according to the same routine of eating, activity and then sleeping. The You flew out the window as soon as I had more than one child. It's much harder when an older sibling makes you go to gymnastics and storytime. But she doesn't need my boob to fall asleep. Or rocking or any other kind of prop. She falls asleep on her own. When she's had a horrible napping day and I'm feeding her extra I might let her sleep-eat for 10 minutes or so, but that's as close as I ever get to feeding to sleep. Except at 3 am. Anytime after bedtime there is no activity, it's just straight back to bed. But luckily there really aren't too many wake up nights anymore, and when she does wake up she *usually* puts herself back to sleep (one of the benefits of EASY).
So I've been doing really well making friends and having a social life--but they all live in neighboring towns. I decided I needed to be more proactive in making friends in the "community" I live in--which is a bit of a joke since we have no community. Anyway. I put a flier for my mom's group at the little local library around the corner as well as the Stewarts and (this is the kicker) my children and I drove around and put fliers in mailboxes of houses that had playsets and toys. So far there's been nothing.
I also sent my new neighbors a note asking if their kids were of babysitting age. I just got a call. There's a 19 year old but she's away at college in Pennsylvania. Getting her LIBRARY SCIENCE degree. How funny! She would transfer but she's getting her Bachelor's and nobody around here offers that. She *might* be home this summer. I had mentioned in my note that I would like to have a mother's helper this summer when I have the baby. I repeated that and mentioned that we had gone to the "beach" a lot last summer and I would like to do it again this summer but I don't know how I would handle all 3... this girl is also a trained lifeguard. I told her mom that she has to make her come home for the summer! How cool. I also mentioned the possibility that she could volunteer or do something at the library to get some experience for her resume... There were just so many coincidences, it was hilarious.
And for even more. I mentioned on facebook that there are 3 houses for sale on my road (I was thinking of a different 3 but after checking I think one has been sold, but there's another cheaper one further down now so there's still 3) in addition to the land for sale. And I asked if anyone with kids wanted to buy one and be my friend. It would be nice for SkyWalker to know kids he's going to school with and to have someone to get him off the bus in an emergency. My neighbor-friend is great but she works full time and I think if anything I'd probably get HER kids off the bus. Which is fine, but I'd like someone else home during the day to live near me. One of my old college buddies who is from here originally sent me a message saying that she has a really good friend that lives near me. We were all in the same graduating class... turns out she's talking about the school principal that we met last week (the one that SkyWalker ignored). Talk about small world.
Out of 3 houses for sale SOMEONE with kids has to buy one right?
The more we get together together together The more we get together the happier we'll be. Because my friends are your friends and your friends are my friends. The more we get together the happier we'll be.
I kind of overbooked myself this week. I still have towels to fold from Monday, but it has been such a great week it was totally worth it. Monday we wound up at the library because we were rained out of the beach and both of my children mostly behaved. They each had friends to see. On Tuesday we had a spontaneous unscheduled playdate which was exactly what we needed. On Wednesday we went to the beach for approximately 4 hours and SkyWalker was barely by my side. He played in the sand and ran around with trainboy and forgot I existed. We went to a school playground today and the same thing happened. They ran and ran and sang ring around the rosie and had the best time. I was able to talk to my friends and enjoy just watching my kids play. Tomorrow we have a playdate which means I'll be cleaning the house after work tonight.
I feel like it was a long long road to get here but we've finally made it.
[aside--my daughter can never have enough Nilla Wafers. She has 2 hands and just one mouth and yet 2 wafers are not enough for her. She whines and points and wants as many as she can grab.]
Not everything is wonderfully peachy... I'm pretty sure my place of employment is sitting on the hellmouth... but the important things are good. The Princess goes in for her deflux procedure on September 3 but I just have to have faith that she's going to be okay and this will be the end of it. It's a pain in the neck, but it's not heart surgery or brain surgery. It's not fatal. She has working kidneys. She'll be okay.
This weekend is our wedding anniversary. It's been 6 years we've been married. But next month, on SkyWalker's 4th birthday, we will celebrate 15 years of being together. I can't quite believe it's been that long. I was just 18 when I met him which means I'm in my 30s now and that's just not right.
Snack time is nearly over and I have less than 2 hours before I have to leave for work. I haven't gotten a nap out of the Princess yet. I'm hoping that now that her belly is full she will at least sleep long enough for me to shower. Otherwise I might be a little stinky at work tonight. Sorry Bee.
I'm in a slight rage right now. Slight.
I finally called the gyn this morning because not being able to stand due to severe debilitating menstrual pain really sucks when you have 2 children who expect you to not only stand but also walk and run. While at the playground the doc called back and wrote me a prescription. We were at the playground, not the doc. Finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel we went to the doc to pick up the prescription (because it's a controlled substance they couldn't call it in) and then Wal-Mart to fill it. We walked around for a little while... and then a little more.... and then a little more. We were there for over an hour. I need this because it's so painful I can't stand for long. And I wound up walking and walking and walking. Pushing 2 children no less.
I do not have my controlled substance.
The prescription dose was "a little high" so they called the doc to confirm but I guess they never called back. They called 3 or 4 times. I finally couldn't take it anymore and just left. I am so friggin annoyed. I could be feeling better by now but instead I will have to wait until Vader can pick it up when he goes shopping tonight. Hopefully it will be ready by then. So I should get it around 10 pm tonight. That'll be useful.
The playground was awesome--wicked hot--but SkyWalker had a great time running around with trainboy and I had to drag him away. He asked if trainboy could come back to our house but alas I needed to pick up my prescription. Ha. It only took him about 5 or 6 months to start playing with trainboy... so I figure he'll start playing with the kids at preschool just as soon as it's over.
I was going to have a whole preschool jitters post but I am too distracted with my prescription rage right now. And the Princess needs to finish her snack and take a nice long nap now. Despite her blossoming lower molars she will take a nice long nap. She will. Because the universe cannot possibly be that cruel to me right now.
Edited 5 pm. The universe is a cold cruel bitch.
Feel free to get yourself a drink and pee first. Or you know, skip reading altogether. :-)
Things are going really well.
It's amazing how a simple change in perspective can change things. But it's more than that. I think for a long time that I always had this picture in my head of what happiness was and how I had to get there. I always needed more. When Vader and I were first together I needed to get married in order to be happy. When we got married, I needed a house. When I got a house, I needed a dog (or two). When I got the dogs, I needed a baby. When I had one baby, I needed another. And so on and so forth. In addition to that I had this vision of my life's path--drinking a cup of tea while my kids and Shinesalot's kids played. I put all of my friendship eggs in that one basket. And when that was taken away from me I was pretty much devastated because my life's happiness depended on that.
A new friend's signature is this quote : Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~Abraham Lincoln
I think this is the key element. I always relied on outside events or other people to determine my happiness. And those things are not reliable. The only person I can truly rely on is myself. (Of course I can rely on my husband, but not to keep me happy.) I am the only person who can truly keep myself happy. And by happiness I don't mean the blissfully ideal happiness I once thought of... I mean a more realistic down-to-earth happiness.
I've made a new friend and although she has some sadness in her life right now I think it's going wonderfully. And on Friday our neighbor-friend is bringing her kids to my bi-weekly big kid playdate. I have a close friendship with someone I never would have expected but we chat a lot (when my kids don't interfere and her job doesn't interfere). I have great co-workers. I'm trying to spread out my friendship eggs instead of concentrating them in just one person and I think it's working. I think I resisted making real friends out of some kind of loyalty to Shinesalot, that I would be betraying our friendship if I let myself be friends with other people. But I can't think like that anymore. Shinesalot will always be my best friend forever but I need local friends too. And not just local playdates but local *friends*.
And since my life-changing attitude my luck is changing too. Of course it's not to my luck, just my perception of it, but whatever. The couch is being delivered on Thursday--the day we were scheduled to go to the beach with my meetup. I was afraid we'd miss it so I asked my new local friend if she wanted to go on Tuesday with just us. We met there and I brought my mother's helper and it was wonderful. SkyWalker had a great time without me. The Princess and the little jobber swam in the water and held hands occasionally and I talked to my friend and I let myself just be happy in the moment. It was a great day. And what's happened? Looks like it's going to thunderstorm all day on Thursday. We got our beach day in perfectly. And normally I would be upset about rain ruining my plans... but I could use the rain to fill up the pool and not drain my well dry! It's all how you look at things.
Today I babysat a 2 1/2 year old for the first time. Trainboy has been mentioned here before... and SkyWalker did GREAT. He's so much better one on one. He played so nicely and talked to him and played WITH him. There were no arguments or awkward moments at all. It went really well and I think it helped us as much as his mom!
The only thing not going well right now is the Princess is refusing to take a second nap. I think I'll have to get her up for snack and try again after. I've let her whine for quite a bit now and she's just not giving up. Despite her rubbing her eyes and being cranky. I will be glad when these molars are done!
It's so hard losing a relative or a loved one. It must be a thousand times harder when you see it plastered all over the news. Or hearing about it for the first time on the radio. My heart goes out to Shinesalot and the rest of her husband's family mourning Uncle Tim.
Damn these miles between us.
We had another playdate today. SkyWalker was a freak as usual--walking around in his rain boots and mittens and not talking to anyone. But he warmed up towards the end and declared that he would be friends with train boy. He told me he doesn't like talking to people but he likes saying goodbye to them. Which is true, he very politely said goodbye to everyone. Next week should be younger kids for the Princess to play with so hopefully there won't be as much of a mess as there was today. Today was out of control. When I have kids over I expect that there will be a mess. That's what kids do. They play with things and then leave them where they are for mommy to clean later. Doesn't matter whose mommy. What I don't expect is for a child to empty every bin of toys, dump them on the floor, NOT play with them, and just walk away and go make a mess in another part of my house. SkyWalker helped me clean up even though he didn't make the mess at all. Next time I'm going to have to play outside the whole time or have fewer toys out or open my mouth and say "hey, don't do that."
I repeat. Making friends is hard.
We have located the elusive hole in the Thomas Ball Pit. Unfortunately I have no idea where I put the patching thing that came with it. And the inflater thing that came with the air compressor we have sucks ass and is broken. At least I know where the hole is now and we can get a kit from the store and blow it up with the old fashioned foot pump we have.
It is almost 10 pm. The dishes are done. Laundry is folded. Toys have been picked up. Vader is downstairs working out. The dogs are sleeping. I need to shower but really I think I just need to go to bed. I will do neither one though, and wind up surfing the net and snacking and wondering why I'm so tired tomorrow morning.
It was one of those days.
One of those rare, everything is going right sort of days. I know. You thought I was going to complain about something.
I got up later than I should have, but early than I have been lately, so it was still good. The Princess was sitting in her crib patiently waiting for me without making a peep. SkyWalker got dressed with a minimum amount of complaint. The vet called and Isaac is just fine--all of the tumors were benign. We left the house on time. Got to Cartwheels for our meetup, had a blast, SkyWalker ran from me to play with things and even let me go to the potty while he stayed and played with other kids. The Princess cooed at the other meetup mom who could make it and let me walk away from her as she played. It was amazing. There was only one mom there from my meetup, but it went great. And I have found a new reason not to complain.* Anyway, her 16 month old daughter gave the Princess hugs and the Princess seemed to like it. She was also very interested in SkyWalker, as are all the little girls. Her son is SkyWalker's age but he was off playing with someone else he had just met. He seemed like a nice boy though and one who would get along well with SkyWalker. It was a great meetup.
From there we went to our favorite place to eat and met up with one of my friends. SkyWalker was amazingly cute and hilarious. Aside from the Princess's insistence on shredding napkins and dropping them on the floor, they were both very well-behaved and I couldn't complain about anything.
SkyWalker requested that we not go home but instead go "somewhere". He had earlier asked that we go to the internet to find the numbers he wanted (I told him I didn't think they would be in a store and we'd have to get them on the internet)... so I said how about checking out our favorite store and we went to Target, despite the Princess not having had a decent nap yet. They were both pretty good at the store. I bought myself a $4 1000-piece puzzle and some storage bins. We checked the toy section and didn't see the numbers or any mats at all. A clerk came walking by as I said to SkyWalker "I just don't see them." The clerk asked what I was looking for, called someone and led me to the spot... where they had one package of the mats left and it was... numbers! Amazing. And it was cheaper than what it would have been online. The only problem is that they are bigger than the letters we have at home so they don't interlock. I don't know where my MIL found letters so small... SkyWalker's solution is that Grama needs to find new letters. He's a funny boy.
I am hungry and tired and waiting for Vader to come home from grocery shopping. But it's all good.
* So this adorable 16 month old girl with little glasses on her face and the sweetest little smile had brain surgery in January! Her brain was just too big and she had to have part of her skull and vertebrate shaved down to make room. She developed complications and there was fluid in her brain so she had to have a shunt put in. She'll probably have to have some type or shunt surgery every 10 years or so as she grows. Can you imagine??? She's tiny, the size of the Princess, and looks young. But you can tell she's a fighter. She was independent and walked away and played and showed no fear of anything. She was so amazing. Really an inspiration and a reminder that when you think you've got it bad there's always someone else who has it worse... and her mom was so calm and together. This is her 3rd child and I think I would have pulled my hair out. The surgeries have been in Rochester so there's been lots of driving back and forth. I'm sure she had her dark moments, but she was inspirational too. It would be easy to be pessimistic and negative and I didn't get that from her at all. Just amazing.
And with that the Princess has decided to cry out. She slept last night, but lately she's been crying for no apparent reason in the middle of the night. I think she just needs a little cuddle. But she doesn't go back down easily. The other night I had to just leave her crying. She was done by the time I got to the bottom of the stairs, but it was still not the best way to spend the middle of the night. Ah, she has quieted herself. This is what all the sleep training is about.
It is now 9 pm. I am hungrier. Time to eat and watch some How I Met Your Mother and hope the dogs don't bark when Vader gets home.
Shinesalot is going through what I did just a mere 2 months ago; her FIL passed away early this morning and now she has to pick up the pieces and juggle her responsibilities to her husband and her son. Never an easy thing. I wish I could hop on a plane and be there.
I spent the afternoon outside, first with SkyWalker running around with the soccer ball, and then with both SkyWalker and the Princess on the swings. The Princess wasn't quite sure what to make of the swing at first but she liked it. She especially liked when her big brother was swinging right next to her.
She did wonderful at the meet-up today. She was cute and flirty with a baby just one month younger. They teamed up to move one of the chairs. She held his hand. SkyWalker said she made a friend. He did okay. He was quiet but then he started to warm up and say silly things. There was another 3 year old girl there who was non-verbal and with her therapists and then a 2 year old so SkyWalker really didn't have anyone to play with. I talked a lot with the mom of the baby. It went well.
Isaac was doing well when we got home. No more bloody diarrhea or vomiting. He went out a million times to pee but I think he also just wanted to be outside and I felt guilty that I couldn't just let him out. Haze spent the ENTIRE day outside, sleeping on the deck. Rubbing it in. I feel so bad for Isaac. How much does this poor dog have to go through? It's not like any of the surgeries were cosmetic. And it's not like we had a real choice. Sure, you always have a choice, but we really didn't have a choice. I hope the biopsy comes back okay. If it doesn't then we'll have a real problem.
The Princess has been very kissy lately. She usually tries to french kiss me and likes to eat my lips when I pucker up for a kiss. But the other day I was laying on her floor and she crawled to me and I felt a little soft kiss on my nose. Her mouth was closed and it was a real little kiss. And then she looks at me and smiles and laughs and it's the best thing in the world.
SkyWalker has been "bery happy" lately. I don't really know why but that's okay with me. He is constantly telling me he loves me and the Princess and Daddy and the dogs. And we're all bery happy. Except the dogs. Because they have sad lips.
Isaac's surgery went as well as it could. He looks pretty beat up... stitches on his neck, his legs. The vet had never seen anything like that big lump that was on his back leg. That's comforting. (not). We'll get the results of the biopsy in a week. He's wearing a cone--collar again and will have to be on the leash until he gets the stitches out (April 5). He's pretty doped up now and just sleeping but I'm sure he'll be a pain in the ass tomorrow and scratching at his cone.
The Princess had her checkup. She's 17 pounds, 15 ounces (she's always 1 or 2 ounces below the next pound. Always. It's hilarious.). She's dropped to the 10th percentile so I know she's mine for sure now. She's 27 1/2 inches long, I think that's the 25th percentile so she's proportionate and right where she should be. She's doing great with everything. Her ears look fine. She's probably teething. I got the go-ahead to do cow's milk early and now I probably won't.
I have my first meet-up tomorrow. I hope it goes well. I'm trying SO hard people. So hard.
The Princess refused to nurse on the left side again this morning, so I waited 20 minutes and tried again and she still refused. I offered the right and she at least took that. The left side was the one she bit me on so maybe she was having some post traumatic stress from when Mommy yelled at her. At least she took the right.
We went to soccer despite SkyWalker's earlier claim that he did not want to go. It was iffy at first with him clinging to me and not wanting to play but we managed to coax it out of him and he did run around and play and drink lots of water. We went to Linen's & Things after and by the time we got home it was lunch time. SkyWalker peed so he could watch Dora and lo and behold he pushed his poop out! I think the exercise and the water helped. He has since pooped once more. The Princess was so hungry she nursed on the left side while we were sitting on the couch next to big brother (impossible these days) while he was watching TV! Not only TV, but her favorite show. Yes, my 9 1/2 month old has a favorite show. SkyWalker recently started watching Dora and the Princess loves it whenever I let her look at it. Her little booty shakes to all the singing.
AND... I talked to someone at soccer. There was a mom there with a baby and she asked how old the Princess was (hers was 8 months). After class she was giving her kids lunch there (great idea) and I stopped and asked how much she was eating and breastfeeding and all that and had an actual conversation with a stranger. Go me. And there are now 11 moms who have joined the new meetup I started less than a week ago. Go me.
So, progress.
