15 posts tagged “making friends”

It's so hard losing a relative or a loved one. It must be a thousand times harder when you see it plastered all over the news. Or hearing about it for the first time on the radio. My heart goes out to Shinesalot and the rest of her husband's family mourning Uncle Tim. 

It was one of those days. 

Shinesalot is going through what I did just a mere 2 months ago; her FIL passed away early this morning and now she has to pick up the pieces and juggle her responsibilities to her husband and her son. Never an easy thing. I wish I could hop on a plane and be there.

I spent the afternoon outside, first with SkyWalker running around with the soccer ball, and then with both SkyWalker and the Princess on the swings. The Princess wasn't quite sure what to make of the swing at first but she liked it. She especially liked when her big brother was swinging right next to her.

She did wonderful at the meet-up today. She was cute and flirty with a baby just one month younger. They teamed up to move one of the chairs. She held his hand. SkyWalker said she made a friend. He did okay. He was quiet but then he started to warm up and say silly things. There was another 3 year old girl there who was non-verbal and with her therapists and then a 2 year old so SkyWalker really didn't have anyone to play with. I talked a lot with the mom of the baby. It went well.

Isaac was doing well when we got home. No more bloody diarrhea or vomiting. He went out a million times to pee but I think he also just wanted to be outside and I felt guilty that I couldn't just let him out. Haze spent the ENTIRE day outside, sleeping on the deck. Rubbing it in. I feel so bad for Isaac. How much does this poor dog have to go through? It's not like any of the surgeries were cosmetic. And it's not like we had a real choice. Sure, you always have a choice, but we really didn't have a choice. I hope the biopsy comes back okay. If it doesn't then we'll have a real problem.

The Princess has been very kissy lately. She usually tries to french kiss me and likes to eat my lips when I pucker up for a kiss. But the other day I was laying on her floor and she crawled to me and I felt a little soft kiss on my nose. Her mouth was closed and it was a real little kiss. And then she looks at me and smiles and laughs and it's the best thing in the world.

SkyWalker has been "bery happy" lately. I don't really know why but that's okay with me. He is constantly telling me he loves me and the Princess and Daddy and the dogs. And we're all bery happy. Except the dogs. Because they have sad lips.

Isaac's surgery went as well as it could. He looks pretty beat up... stitches on his neck, his legs. The vet had never seen anything like that big lump that was on his back leg. That's comforting. (not). We'll get the results of the biopsy in a week. He's wearing a cone--collar again and will have to be on the leash until he gets the stitches out (April 5). He's pretty doped up now and just sleeping but I'm sure he'll be a pain in the ass tomorrow and scratching at his cone.

The Princess refused to nurse on the left side again this morning, so I waited 20 minutes and tried again and she still refused. I offered the right and she at least took that. The left side was the one she bit me on so maybe she was having some post traumatic stress from when Mommy yelled at her. At least she took the right.

The jedi and I went to a meetup at an indoor play area that we haven't been to since his birthday--with his little best bud who is now a Texan. It was jam-packed with kids. He ran away from me and climbed on things and said "hi" and "peekaboo" to other kids and their moms (!) and smiled at people and had a wonderful time. He didn't play with anyone for real, but he climbed next to kids and didn't let them stop him from doing things. The Princess lured many a mama my way with her amazing beauty. For reals, yo. I know I'm biased, but every single mom was drawn to her and said the same thing "Wow, she's so beautiful." She sat and looked at people and smiled and crawled toward me and was perfectly fine. I made the obligatory small talk and tried to not be myself. On the way home SkyWalker said he had fun and "we makin' friends. I say hi."

I think I've reassessed what I want out of these things. I don't want friends for me. I don't even necessarily want friends for him--not real ones anyway. He'll make his friends once he gets to school. Right now what I want to do is just expose him to a bunch of different kids so that he's comfortable in social settings (unlike his parents). I don't want him to hide--physically or mentally--when he gets in with a group of kids. We're not looking for best friends. I think we're just looking for acquaintances really. We have our weekly playdates with our old friends and that's going well. It doesn't even matter if the boys become friends--each will have a familiar face on that first day of kindergarten.

The Princess is officially crawling. No more belly flopping halfway there... let the games begin! Maybe now Vader will do something about a real gate at the bottom of the stairs. One that SkyWalker can open but the Princess cannot.

It is wicked busy at the library tonight. I got blindsided when Bee went on dinner and now I'm in here pumping. I hope it has slowed down some and she's not overwhelmed. I'm actually been working in addition to the reference! So there, it happens people. Sometimes I work.

LOST starts in one hour. Sigh. I hope the DVR doesn't mess up.

The tap is dry. I'm running out of milk. The Princess is more interested in waffles and peas (what the dilly-o?) and everything but mama. Either that or she is just wicked efficient... which could be the case. She was always quicker. In the beginning she would nurse for 10 minutes but she was awake and actively nursing the entire time. Now she's down to 3-4 minutes. 5 if I'm lucky. I know she's getting something because I can feel it and she's swallowing... but can she really get what she needs in 5 minutes? She hasn't been finishing her bedtime bottle when I'm at work but I've been feeding her more often because she's so quick... so maybe she's just snacking now. Taking 2 or 3 ounces here and there instead of the 5-7 she used to do. She is getting 6 ounces mixed in with her cereal everyday... as much as I love breastfeeding I hate the insecurity and doubt that goes along with it.

SkyWalker came in the bathroom today as I was taking care of some ahem, feminine issues... He looked at the maxipad and said "what that is?" I decided to bombard him with information to make him go away so I started by saying "Well, Mommy has her period..." and I kid you not, his "I'm a male and don't want to hear it DNA" kicked in and he said "Okay" and ran out saying "I'm a piggy bank" and hitting the top of his head like he was putting a penny in it.

And now... back to work.

Are weird.

We went to the mall to a tiny play area that I would never let my kid play in on a regular day and sat there while he said "I want to play with YOU Mommy." Yeah, um, we're here so you can STOP playing with me and maybe I won't wind up with a broken back from the millionth time you jump on me from behind. Anyway, SkyWalker played with no one else, BUT he walked away from me a couple of times and he did climb on some things that other kids were on. He did not run screaming away or want to just go home. And he was very well behaved, as usual. The Princess was her normally charming self, smiling at everybody, thrilled to be near other people despite the fact that it was interrupting her nap AND a feeding (which actually saddened me a little--can't she at least pretend she still wants my boobs and not a damn waffle??). And SkyWalker was his normal loving big brother self and a couple of the moms commented on how gentle he was with her. I managed to talk to people and even did the "walk" to the toy store across the way that followed the play area meet up and I got a laugh out of them as we were leaving and you know I'm happy if someone laughs at me. In a good way. And get this--I was reading the message board component of this particular meetup and guess what they want to do? They want to start doing crafts and stuff centered around a LETTER OF THE WEEK. That's right Daddy-O. I am so ahead of them. Now that I have met a few (some on my side of the river even) I will be more inclined to say yes to a house meetup knowing that they are not in fact serial killers.

I am eating fries (ala the kindness of Bee) and they are wonderful. As is she. For many reasons.

This writer's strike really sucks. I have not watched new TV in a wicked long time and I need me some diversion damnit.

I got my invitation to a friend's wedding and I think I am looking forward to this almost as much as Christmas with the kids this year. I will get to see many of my closest friends there.  And the children are invited! I don't have to worry about babysitters! How lovely is that??? But don't worry( slytherinlibrarian ), we all know my high standards for my children's behavior--so there shall be no crying or whining or annoying children. ;-) We do have to worry about dogsitters but it's so close (Massachusetts) that Vader and the kids can come for just the night of the wedding and go home the next morning. I think I may go out by myself the day before the wedding to engage in the pre-wedding hijinks. Of course this is all provided my FIL doesn't choose that week to leave us.

The tap has stopped flowing. Back to the grind that is my job.

We had such a great day yesterday, long, but great. We went to a friend's house for FOUR HOURS. Vader went to school with the Dad, he was best man at our wedding, and we've always been "couple friends". They have an older (6) daughter and a son just 6 weeks older than SkyWalker. So they'll be in the same kindergarten class. We went there in November and SkyWalker had a good time but was a little shy. Yesterday on the way there he told me that he was "not going to be a little bit shy with [hmmm... need a nickname here...]" I said "Oh really?" He said "Yup, my just happy!" And he was. They ran around the house together. They went up to S's room together, all by themselves, and did whoknowswhat. We ate dinner and dessert there. It was so nice seeing him interacting with another kid. And the Princess napped in her carseat since it was so late. We'll be doing weekly playdates there and I hope it gets even better. They are pretty much the only people we have now who would be able to take care of the kids in an emergency (or for my FIL's funeral) so the more comfortable my kids are with them the better.

Tomorrow we have our first mommy meet-up at the local mall. I figured the mall was a safe place so I said yes. If it's lame we can do a little shopping. I'm a little nervous but I've been practicing my "I'm a normal happy person" fake persona so I think it'll be okay. I think it's hilarious that I have not heard anything from the group in my own area. Whatever...

This weather is so messed up it's giving me an allergy attack. I took a benedryl last night and I'm still a bit tired. I couldn't take another one since I'm working now and will be again tomorrow night. Joy.

How am I going to post when I stop pumping at work? I'll have to pretend to still be pumping... oh crap, my boss reads this doesn't she?

Desperate times call for desperate measures right?

I e-mailed the local mom's club asking how to be involved. Blah blah blah. Why is this significant? Because I'm quite sure half of the people in this damn group know me from the library and have some sort of preconceived notions about how much of a stuck-up bitch I am because of former co-worker who is a part of the group. Bah.

But it gets worse.

I also joined 3 meetup groups at meetup.com. Two are parenting--one sounded great--a thirtysomething group just across the river but it's going to disappear in 3 days if no one steps up to organize and you all know that ain't me. The second one has to "approve" me first. The third one is not as local as I'd like and is not parenting but calls themselves Goddess Girls and how can I not join that?

This sucks.

I will make reach out and make the first move (like with the neighbor) but then I like to let other people take control. Plan things and I will be there. Call and invite me. E-mail and invite me. But if I'm expected to always do it then I just... don't. If I don't call the neighbor months can go by. That just sucks. Once I reach a certain level of comfort then I can start saying "hey, I'm doing this, wanna come?" I do remember back in the day having New Year's Eve parties at my house and having a semi-social life. But it takes a while.

I made three NY resolutions: a) To get up earlier in the morning instead of running up the stairs when I have to feed the Princess. b) To make a new friend(s) c) To not let myself turn into the bitter, angry, depressed person that I am becoming.

It's only the 3rd day of the new year. I've got time right?

Yesterday we went to gymnastics. I envisioned young SkyWalker going off and climbing on equipment instead of my head and having a grand time and me being able to feed the Princess in peace.

That did not happen.

SkyWalker went out to the gym floor, sat while the other kids did their stretches and followed directions and he did NOTHING. He wasn't bad or misbehaving. He just did NOTHING. The worst part was the look on his face. I will never ever forget it. He had a look of horror and sadness and fear and loneliness and it broke my heart. I left the Princess with another mom who also had a 4 month old with her and was a kind soul, and I ran out there and he said he had to pee so I took him to the bathroom but he didn't really have to pee. He was just looking for excuses to get the hell out of there. He asked, pleaded, to go sit on the chairs in the waiting area and then to just go home. I wouldn't let him even though it would have been so easy for me to go home. I woke the Princess up early from her nap, potentially screwing up her entire day, just so he could do this. I made us stay hoping he would warm up. He did not.

It wasn't until late last night when I was in the shower and finally broke down and cried that I realized why it bothered me so so much. I recognized myself in his face. I hate being in large groups. I hate being in the middle of things when I don't know anybody. I hate talking to strangers and meeting people and trying to make friends. I am always essentially alone. And in that look, that look of horror and fear, I saw myself. And it just killed me. I've done this to him. I've made him this way with my genes and my prefer to be home attitude. He was fine in daycare 4 months ago and I have ruined him.

I feel slightly better today thanks to the help of some very wonderful online friends (but see--*online* friends). We're going to give gymnastics another try. Maybe even a few weeks. See how it goes. Today is soccer and hopefully kicking the ball will be enough of a lure to break through his shyness and maybe if he does good today he'll be better at gymnastics next week (gymnastics is closer to him and there might be kids he'd go to school with so I really don't want to just give it up).

I know that all kids go through shy periods and that we've never done anything like this before and all of the other logical ways to look at this. I know it all logically. But emotionally... and right now as my best friend and SkyWalker's best friend prepare to move to the other side of the country this just hit me really really hard. I see how SkyWalker is with him. He's happy and playful and outgoing and fun. All I can do is try to break the curse and keep taking SkyWalker to these things with groups of kids and hope he does better than his mother.

I mean, how can you not be friends with a kid who looks at you over breakfast and says "My try to fart now." and follows it up with "My fart a little bit."